Today marks 30 years I have been on this Earth. 30 years that I have been blessed with life. Today I celebrate 30 years of life, and I wonder "Have I been a good steward of my years?" Every day is a gift, but am I treating each day as the precious jewel it truly is? Our life here on Earth is so temporal, like sands in the hour glass - wait no - that's not what I mean, or is it?
How did I spend my time? I think of my current life in decades, since I have lived for three. The first ten years of my life were spent establishing myself on this Earth. I learned all the essential life skills such as walking, talking, reading and writing. I had a stong spiritual belief instilled in my mind and heart. I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior and committed my life to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I established relationships with family and began to develop a sense of self. I have many wonderful memories of these years!
The next ten years involved an equal amount of changing for me. From age ten to age twenty, I experienced real loss for the first time. In that time I lost three of my six grandparents. Each as devastating as the next. I learned to appreciate those around me and began to understand this life really doesn't last forever. The value of money became real to me as I started working, earning my own dollar, and buying my own things. Friendships became an integral part of my life, and I finally felt like I figured out who I was. School was important to me; I knew college was neccessary to succeed in life. Church remained a strong influence in my life, and my relationship with Jesus Christ grew stronger. Challenging circumstances and situations rocked my family to the core, but we made it through and I learned much through those trying times. Our family was blessed with a niece and four nephews before my 20th birthday, and I met the man I would soon marry. Many people influenced me and played important roles in my life. Family and friends of the family, church leaders, and teachers. I tried to learn from watching the lives of others.
I played in the HS band, sang in choir, spoke speeches, created yearbooks, was a teacher's assistant, helped with a children's after school program, went to camps, worked at McDonald's, babysat kids (a lot!), played softball, mowed the yard, fished with family, received scholarships, attended college, played/marched in the Pride of Oklahoma, moved out of my parent's house for good, performed medical research, lived in dorms, kissed boys, dissed boys, cried over boys, spent countless hours at Wal-Mart, changed my major five times, and called home way to little. Oh yeah, I went skydiving - three times!!! And my dad and favorite cousin went with me. Wow, that's a lot. Thanks for sticking with me.
Finally the decade whose last chapter has been written, age 20 to age 30. So many wonderful developments. My marriage to the most amazing man, the birth of my first baby and the conception of my second. I now have my very own family to love and cherish. I graduated from college - twice! I have been to Korea, Cambodia, and Japan(airport only but I count it, shush). As a military wife, I developed friendships to last a lifetime, and experienced the pain of separation from my spouse as well as the pride in my country and his efforts to protect and defend. After swearing off 8-5 work prior to my 20's, now I work 8:30-5:30 and it isn't so bad. OK, it's kind of killing me, but I do it anyway. We moved more times than a family should, but have finally lived in a home for more than 2 years! I am a home-owner, and we have land. We have changed cars like some people change underwear (the funky kind of people that only change undies a couple times a year). We are established in an amazing church and are serving God each and every day, although there are several other churches which offered spiritual support for us along the way. We have been blessed, and believe it is our calling tobe a blessing to others.
The last ten years have been so surreal. Ten years ago Terry and I spent our first birthdays together (his b-day is June 10th). We went to the zoo and then to Bricktown and walked around the canal. There was no Harkins Theater and very few restaurants. It was still beautiful and we took pictures of one another in front of the flowers. A few short months later we were married and he was off to Korea while I stayed in Norman to finish school. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. After that separation time, we went on to live together only about 8 months total of the first four years of our marriage. Post military we moved back to Oklahoma and began our life here. I lost more loved ones, two more grandparents and, most devastating, my favorite cousin. There are others too that have gone on before us, but we will see them again. The experiences of love and loss have definitely shaped my life.
So what now? As a new decade begins I wonder where will it lead? I know I want more in life. I still have goals I haven't reached. I still have mountains to climb (figuratively and literally). Places to go and people to see. Missions to accomplish. What will the next decade hold for me and my family? I can't predict the future, but I can plan for it. I want to go back to school. Yeah I know, you are shocked I'm sure. I love to learn and I would love to teach on the college level some day. I want to go on more missions trips. I have been sending, but I want to GO! I want to live my life in such a way that people are drawn to my Savior. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be; a true Proverbs 31 woman. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I can say with absolute certainty - The BEST is yet to come!
6.08.2011
4.23.2011
Pregnancy 2.0
So, last year some time we decided 2011 would be the time to have another baby. I looked at our insurance plan and my work schedule and desire to be off for the holidays (wink wink) and decided November would be ideal. I then considered the science and did the math and badda-boom-badda-bang! A November baby we shall have. Now I have to admit I carry a bit of pride about this whole "planning" thing. I have (more than once) proclaimed "My science is infallible!" In case you don't really know me, yes I really am THAT nerdy!
We were so excited when the test was positive! We came up with a great plan to reveal the pregnancy at Koribella's birthday party. We dreamed of reactions and how fun and happy everyone would be. It was hard to not tell everyone I saw, but it would be worth the wait. Oh sweet joy! And then . . .dun-dun-dun . . . reality hit. And by reality I mean nausea and fatigue, and by hit I mean like a ton a bricks falling on my head every day and then permanently attaching themselves to my heels all day long. All this with a toddler in tow and Terry working unpredictable hours. The perfect storm.
We found out at 5 weeks, then I became the walking dead around 6 weeks. We weren't planning on telling everyone until 10 weeks. Just four weeks, right. By then end of the 7th week I was willing to tell ANYone! We decided to wait until the first appointment when we had our ultrasound at 8 weeks. We would know the baby was OK and the heartbeat was good then we could broadcast it and people would stop asking me why I look so bad. So much for that perfectly fun plan.
I am not saying my nausea and fatigue is worse than anyone else's, and really I don't want you to commiserate with me if you had really bad problems with this. Here is my deal - I don't DO nausea. I NEVER puke! I haven't puked in 8 years! Yes I said YEARS! Not a typo. I DON'T puke. Michelle, if you are reading this, if I puked as much as you did with Elliott when I was pregnant with Koribella, I would have had my tubes tied! And if Terry wanted more babies he would need to adopt or carry them himself. I am not even kidding. So I don't puke, I am just nauseous - all the time. Well except when I am stuffing my face, but even last night I couldn't finish my food because looking at Terry's meal made me nauseated. Some moron BLEW HIS SCHNOZ in the restaurant, opened it up and looked at it, and then put his handkerchief back in his pocket while I was waiting on my food. If I were a person with a less intestinal fortitude I would have lost my mostly digested lunch. As it is, I just sat swooning with nausea not believing my ears or eyes.
Funny how people keep saying, "I bet you are having a boy since you are more nauseous with this baby than Koribella." Well if that is the case - TAKE HIM BACK! I'd rather have a girl than deal with this mess. When I was in labor with KB, I had no pain meds for all but one hour. I was in a LOT of pain, but I kept calm and collected, I never got angry or yelled at Terry. I just took it all in stride. I was OK with pain. With this pregnancy, I have even been thinking bad thoughts such as "I hate you Terry, you did this to me!" and other such nonsense like that. He got a stomach bug last week and was all mopey and crap. "I feel so sick" he whines. "I just can't go to work" he whines. Really?! I wanted to punch him! I know it's wrong. That's how I feel EVERY day, and you can't even put eggs on to boil?! (Don't worry, he boiled the eggs, but only after he slowly walked in there and went to the restroom.)
Speaking of Terry he has been wonderful through all of this. I assure you I am not too pleasant to be around, but after almost ten years he knows how to handle me. Others have been incredibly understanding and helpful too, thanks to everyone. Koribella is the one suffering the most. Before baby, I would bring her home from school, make dinner, play together, take a bath, and then get her ready for bed. Now she is lucky if she gets something besides a bowl of cereal for dinner and we spend most of the evening in the recliner; her watching a movie while I nap. Poor baby! She often climbs down and runs around the house terrorizing, I mean playing with Libby the poodle.
All in all, Pregnancy 2.0 has a few bugs that need to be worked out. Hopefully after the beta testing of 12 weeks are up the two worst bugs will be over and we can get on to having some fun and enjoying being pregnant. Right now, I feel like I am so ready for this pregnancy to be over and to have the baby in my arms. But the other part of me realizes it will be even more challenging to take care of a newborn with a toddler running around. I think I can wait a few more months for that. For now I will spend my time cuddling up with my hubby and my little angel. I am so blessed.
We were so excited when the test was positive! We came up with a great plan to reveal the pregnancy at Koribella's birthday party. We dreamed of reactions and how fun and happy everyone would be. It was hard to not tell everyone I saw, but it would be worth the wait. Oh sweet joy! And then . . .dun-dun-dun . . . reality hit. And by reality I mean nausea and fatigue, and by hit I mean like a ton a bricks falling on my head every day and then permanently attaching themselves to my heels all day long. All this with a toddler in tow and Terry working unpredictable hours. The perfect storm.
We found out at 5 weeks, then I became the walking dead around 6 weeks. We weren't planning on telling everyone until 10 weeks. Just four weeks, right. By then end of the 7th week I was willing to tell ANYone! We decided to wait until the first appointment when we had our ultrasound at 8 weeks. We would know the baby was OK and the heartbeat was good then we could broadcast it and people would stop asking me why I look so bad. So much for that perfectly fun plan.
I am not saying my nausea and fatigue is worse than anyone else's, and really I don't want you to commiserate with me if you had really bad problems with this. Here is my deal - I don't DO nausea. I NEVER puke! I haven't puked in 8 years! Yes I said YEARS! Not a typo. I DON'T puke. Michelle, if you are reading this, if I puked as much as you did with Elliott when I was pregnant with Koribella, I would have had my tubes tied! And if Terry wanted more babies he would need to adopt or carry them himself. I am not even kidding. So I don't puke, I am just nauseous - all the time. Well except when I am stuffing my face, but even last night I couldn't finish my food because looking at Terry's meal made me nauseated. Some moron BLEW HIS SCHNOZ in the restaurant, opened it up and looked at it, and then put his handkerchief back in his pocket while I was waiting on my food. If I were a person with a less intestinal fortitude I would have lost my mostly digested lunch. As it is, I just sat swooning with nausea not believing my ears or eyes.
Funny how people keep saying, "I bet you are having a boy since you are more nauseous with this baby than Koribella." Well if that is the case - TAKE HIM BACK! I'd rather have a girl than deal with this mess. When I was in labor with KB, I had no pain meds for all but one hour. I was in a LOT of pain, but I kept calm and collected, I never got angry or yelled at Terry. I just took it all in stride. I was OK with pain. With this pregnancy, I have even been thinking bad thoughts such as "I hate you Terry, you did this to me!" and other such nonsense like that. He got a stomach bug last week and was all mopey and crap. "I feel so sick" he whines. "I just can't go to work" he whines. Really?! I wanted to punch him! I know it's wrong. That's how I feel EVERY day, and you can't even put eggs on to boil?! (Don't worry, he boiled the eggs, but only after he slowly walked in there and went to the restroom.)
Speaking of Terry he has been wonderful through all of this. I assure you I am not too pleasant to be around, but after almost ten years he knows how to handle me. Others have been incredibly understanding and helpful too, thanks to everyone. Koribella is the one suffering the most. Before baby, I would bring her home from school, make dinner, play together, take a bath, and then get her ready for bed. Now she is lucky if she gets something besides a bowl of cereal for dinner and we spend most of the evening in the recliner; her watching a movie while I nap. Poor baby! She often climbs down and runs around the house terrorizing, I mean playing with Libby the poodle.
All in all, Pregnancy 2.0 has a few bugs that need to be worked out. Hopefully after the beta testing of 12 weeks are up the two worst bugs will be over and we can get on to having some fun and enjoying being pregnant. Right now, I feel like I am so ready for this pregnancy to be over and to have the baby in my arms. But the other part of me realizes it will be even more challenging to take care of a newborn with a toddler running around. I think I can wait a few more months for that. For now I will spend my time cuddling up with my hubby and my little angel. I am so blessed.
12.18.2010
10.14.2010
Fast Forward to Fashion
So lately I have decided to become more aware of fashion and style. This is a journey as I honestly have no unique style of my own. Jeans and T-shirts with tennis shoes would be my daily wear if I didn't have to wear business casual professional for work. So I began searching the Internet for fashion help and I found a great blog - Fab Finds Under $50. I began to look at her daily outfits and magic has ensued. Thanks to Kimberly I have discovered accessorizing! My, my, my what a difference this has made. A necklace here and a belt there and an outfit looks totally different. I have since discovered other fashion sites for inspiration, Chic on the Cheap, Twenty York Street, The Sisters Four Say More (lots of diy stuff), and Spoils of Wear.
Thank you so much to all the ladies who take so much time to share their fashion sense with the fashion sense-less like me. You are preventing [fashion] crime all over the world! Please feel free to comment and let me know of any other blogs I should be stalk . . uh I mean reading *sheepish grin*.
Feel free to make any style suggestions and I will keep it in mind when putting together my outfits. This is a journey to being fashionable not the turning on of fashion in my life.
Thank you so much to all the ladies who take so much time to share their fashion sense with the fashion sense-less like me. You are preventing [fashion] crime all over the world! Please feel free to comment and let me know of any other blogs I should be stalk . . uh I mean reading *sheepish grin*.
Feel free to make any style suggestions and I will keep it in mind when putting together my outfits. This is a journey to being fashionable not the turning on of fashion in my life.
8.21.2010
Birh Story Part 4
I was relieved that morning had come. At least I wasn't expected to be sleeping. The contractions were coming pretty regularly and I felt like I had made progress through the night. Well, I hoped I had made progress what with all the cramping and such that kept me in a fitful sleep all night long. Although they told me I could eat (clear liquids, yum!) all I could manage was a couple bites of jello. I had no appetite.
When the nurse checked me, I was at a 1 or so. I begged them to let me walk around and contract on my own - no pitosin! Since I was having contractions, they agreed. So Terry and I began to walk up and down the halls. I remember Jennifer and Kevin joining us for some of the walking. I don't remember how long I walked. Honestly, by this point I had pretty much stopped watching the clock. I had no shortage of "supporters" that I remember clearly. My room was something akin to Grand Central Station at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. I won't names because I would forget someone and they would get their feelings hurt (assuming they ever bothered to read this blog - which is a BIG assumption). When I went back to the room and labored the TV blared and Jennifer was screaming at the political person on the TV and ranting about her conflicting political views. My husband in his infinite wisdom (no sarcasm) turned off the television. Ahhhhhh. Sorry Jen, I don't mind your political views, just not when I am in labor.
People began to talk around me as if I wasn't there. Maybe it was because, in a way, I wasn't. I had retreated into myself. I wasn't talking except to ask to be moved to the labor suite where there was a big tub. I just wanted to get in the water! After what seemed like HOURS, a suite opened up and they agreed to move me to it. I walked down the hall to the suite, by this point I was so turned around. I really didn't know where we were - which is completely unlike me. They just had to check me before I could get into the tub. Geez! Luckily all the guys stayed outside the room until I got settled. I don't remember where I was when they checked me - maybe a 3? It was around noon-ish, maybe. Again, I wasn't really watching the clock. I crawled into the tub and Terry sat behind me on the wonderful birth coach perch (a seat behind the tub where he could put his feet in the water and reach my shoulders but wasn't actually in the tub with me. He was wonderful, by the way. He was with me the whole time! I didn't eat all day, I am not sure if he did either. I need to ask. But I digress.
Once I got in the tub, my fan club filed into the room and set up camp playing cards or something on the table in the room. There was a couch, a couple chairs, a table with chairs, and maybe some other seating so I had room for a crowd, and really - I didn't care. I didn't realize it at the time, but the nurse snuck in and attached the pitosin to my IV while I was in the tub - sneaky! In retrospect, that irritates me - a LOT. But whatever! I was in and out (to go pee) of the tub for a very long time. Finally they told me I had to get out - so I did. When I came out into the room, all the men had vacated, thankfully, and the women were left. They put the baby monitor on me and wanted me to lie in bed, but I was in a lot of pain. Being in bed was so bad! The contractions were non-stop. They kept increasing the pitosin - the EVIL pitosin!
I asked for the birthing ball and sat on that for a while with Terry behind me rubbing my back. Funniest part of my labor story. As I am sitting on the ball leaning forward on the bed with my backside exposed, the door to my room opens. A man and a woman I don't know are standing there dumbfounded. "Uh, I guess they moved her." She says as they stand and stare at me as I glare back at them. Really? How many people just wander into labor rooms without knocking??!! Fortunately, Terry was modest for me and was covering my business "just in case". He is a really great guy.
After the birthing ball I moved to the bed. The contractions were worse than ever. I was holding on to my clinging cross (best gift ever for labor). I had my helpers there too, Mom, Jennifer, and Lana. At one point they were watching the contraction monitor. Everytime I was building a contraction, they would say, "Here comes a big one" or "that wasn't very big" or something else annoying. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer, "I don't need a play-by-play" was all it took and they respectfully stopped. I also remember Jennifer sitting on my bed talking to Misty (cousin) giving her updates.
In any case, I knew I wasn't going to have any strength left to push the baby out when the time came if things continued on this track. I asked someone to call the nurse and get me a little something to take the edge off.
And then I waited . . .
and waited . . .
and waited.
No really, I waited. I promise. I was so patient, then I was less patient. I made them call again. Finally she showed. Apologizing because she was helping some other woman deliver - lucky heffer, wish I was delivering - just give me the shot! But I was nice, no really, I was nice. She gave me an hour's worth of Stadol to see how I would react to it. At this point I was able to rest between contractions. And by rest I mean completely fall asleep for 1 minute at a time until the next spasm began.
I could tell when the end of the hour was nearing. No, I wasn't looking at the clock, I could feel the pain more intensely. I told them they would have to get the nurse to get more meds, but they had to check me first - ugh! Whatever! I had been poked and prodded so much by this time it was no big deal. The midwife checked and said I was a 8-9 - a WHAT? If I let her break my water then I would probably be at a 10 or close.
When the nurse checked me, I was at a 1 or so. I begged them to let me walk around and contract on my own - no pitosin! Since I was having contractions, they agreed. So Terry and I began to walk up and down the halls. I remember Jennifer and Kevin joining us for some of the walking. I don't remember how long I walked. Honestly, by this point I had pretty much stopped watching the clock. I had no shortage of "supporters" that I remember clearly. My room was something akin to Grand Central Station at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. I won't names because I would forget someone and they would get their feelings hurt (assuming they ever bothered to read this blog - which is a BIG assumption). When I went back to the room and labored the TV blared and Jennifer was screaming at the political person on the TV and ranting about her conflicting political views. My husband in his infinite wisdom (no sarcasm) turned off the television. Ahhhhhh. Sorry Jen, I don't mind your political views, just not when I am in labor.
People began to talk around me as if I wasn't there. Maybe it was because, in a way, I wasn't. I had retreated into myself. I wasn't talking except to ask to be moved to the labor suite where there was a big tub. I just wanted to get in the water! After what seemed like HOURS, a suite opened up and they agreed to move me to it. I walked down the hall to the suite, by this point I was so turned around. I really didn't know where we were - which is completely unlike me. They just had to check me before I could get into the tub. Geez! Luckily all the guys stayed outside the room until I got settled. I don't remember where I was when they checked me - maybe a 3? It was around noon-ish, maybe. Again, I wasn't really watching the clock. I crawled into the tub and Terry sat behind me on the wonderful birth coach perch (a seat behind the tub where he could put his feet in the water and reach my shoulders but wasn't actually in the tub with me. He was wonderful, by the way. He was with me the whole time! I didn't eat all day, I am not sure if he did either. I need to ask. But I digress.
Once I got in the tub, my fan club filed into the room and set up camp playing cards or something on the table in the room. There was a couch, a couple chairs, a table with chairs, and maybe some other seating so I had room for a crowd, and really - I didn't care. I didn't realize it at the time, but the nurse snuck in and attached the pitosin to my IV while I was in the tub - sneaky! In retrospect, that irritates me - a LOT. But whatever! I was in and out (to go pee) of the tub for a very long time. Finally they told me I had to get out - so I did. When I came out into the room, all the men had vacated, thankfully, and the women were left. They put the baby monitor on me and wanted me to lie in bed, but I was in a lot of pain. Being in bed was so bad! The contractions were non-stop. They kept increasing the pitosin - the EVIL pitosin!
I asked for the birthing ball and sat on that for a while with Terry behind me rubbing my back. Funniest part of my labor story. As I am sitting on the ball leaning forward on the bed with my backside exposed, the door to my room opens. A man and a woman I don't know are standing there dumbfounded. "Uh, I guess they moved her." She says as they stand and stare at me as I glare back at them. Really? How many people just wander into labor rooms without knocking??!! Fortunately, Terry was modest for me and was covering my business "just in case". He is a really great guy.
After the birthing ball I moved to the bed. The contractions were worse than ever. I was holding on to my clinging cross (best gift ever for labor). I had my helpers there too, Mom, Jennifer, and Lana. At one point they were watching the contraction monitor. Everytime I was building a contraction, they would say, "Here comes a big one" or "that wasn't very big" or something else annoying. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer, "I don't need a play-by-play" was all it took and they respectfully stopped. I also remember Jennifer sitting on my bed talking to Misty (cousin) giving her updates.
In any case, I knew I wasn't going to have any strength left to push the baby out when the time came if things continued on this track. I asked someone to call the nurse and get me a little something to take the edge off.
And then I waited . . .
and waited . . .
and waited.
No really, I waited. I promise. I was so patient, then I was less patient. I made them call again. Finally she showed. Apologizing because she was helping some other woman deliver - lucky heffer, wish I was delivering - just give me the shot! But I was nice, no really, I was nice. She gave me an hour's worth of Stadol to see how I would react to it. At this point I was able to rest between contractions. And by rest I mean completely fall asleep for 1 minute at a time until the next spasm began.
I could tell when the end of the hour was nearing. No, I wasn't looking at the clock, I could feel the pain more intensely. I told them they would have to get the nurse to get more meds, but they had to check me first - ugh! Whatever! I had been poked and prodded so much by this time it was no big deal. The midwife checked and said I was a 8-9 - a WHAT? If I let her break my water then I would probably be at a 10 or close.
I Love the Way You Lie
Have you heard it? You know, the Eminem song featuring Rihanna? It's called, "I love the way you lie". It starts out with Rihanna smoothly singing a great "hook" (just learned this terminology)
Followed by the "hook" with Rihanna burning it is a dark song. I don't want to debate the song. (Apparently it has caused some controversy in the world due to the graphic nature of the music video and the inclusion of Rihanna and her personal struggle with domestic violence - that is not what this blog entry is about.) However, I have been thinking about the song all day. Rihanna's voice has been singing in my head and it sounds so painful. My heart breaks for those who are involved in these terrible life situations. Surely you don't have to think long or hard to come up with the name of a person you know that has been a victim or an abuser. Domestic violence is rampant. If you don't know someone who has been a victim, then I would venture to say you either don't know very many people or you don't know very many people well. It is difficult to understand what is going on in the mind of a victim. In fact it can be downright impossible. If you need more information on how to deal with domestic violence in Oklahoma, I found a great website, here. There are so many more great sites just a google search away.
Oftentimes I struggle because I don't know how to help. When you know someone is in a bad relationship, you just want to drag them out! But you can't control other people. If you try to force them to make the decision you want, you would be just as bad as the abuser because you are trying to control their lives. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier to watch. So, for anyone who has ever had to watch someone you love stay in an abusive relationship - or return to an abusive relationship - and you know how much it hurts. Here are some suggestions for things that you can say:
Father, I pray that You will provide me with opportunities and words for people in my life that are in unhealthy relationships. I pray peace for their minds and hearts and strength to do the right thing. I pray for courage and wisdom and right thinking. I pray for divine protection and emotional and physical healing for all parties involved. For the children in bad family situations I ask that they be given peace in the tumultuous times and they will be shown the love of Christ by your people. Amen.
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie."
This little "hook" lives up to it's name. It totally hooked me and I couldn't resist listening to the rest of the song. However, I must admit, I am not an Eminem fan. Not that I don't like him. I don't really listen to rap - ever. So he is just not in my music library. WARNING: The lyrics are listed as "Explicit" you're shocked, I'm sure.
The song is about domestic abuse. It tells the story of the cycle of abuse and you see both sides of this severly dysfunctional relationship. The abuser thinking about how he loves the other so much it hurts and how he never wants to hurt her, but he gets lost in the moment. Then there is the apology and the promises, which the abuser admits he knows are lies, and then the reconcilation and honeymoon. The victim's story is told as well. She is in pain, burning, but likes the way it hurts. She knows he is lying, but wants the lie to be true so she believes it and continues to stay with him.
The song is spooky. I get this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach when I listen to it. Perhaps it is the raw emotion and feelings that are expressed. No sugar coating at all. At the end he even says
"I apologize even though I know it’s lies
I’m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I’m a liar if she ever tries to leave again
I’mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire"
Followed by the "hook" with Rihanna burning it is a dark song. I don't want to debate the song. (Apparently it has caused some controversy in the world due to the graphic nature of the music video and the inclusion of Rihanna and her personal struggle with domestic violence - that is not what this blog entry is about.) However, I have been thinking about the song all day. Rihanna's voice has been singing in my head and it sounds so painful. My heart breaks for those who are involved in these terrible life situations. Surely you don't have to think long or hard to come up with the name of a person you know that has been a victim or an abuser. Domestic violence is rampant. If you don't know someone who has been a victim, then I would venture to say you either don't know very many people or you don't know very many people well. It is difficult to understand what is going on in the mind of a victim. In fact it can be downright impossible. If you need more information on how to deal with domestic violence in Oklahoma, I found a great website, here. There are so many more great sites just a google search away.
Oftentimes I struggle because I don't know how to help. When you know someone is in a bad relationship, you just want to drag them out! But you can't control other people. If you try to force them to make the decision you want, you would be just as bad as the abuser because you are trying to control their lives. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier to watch. So, for anyone who has ever had to watch someone you love stay in an abusive relationship - or return to an abusive relationship - and you know how much it hurts. Here are some suggestions for things that you can say:
5 Things to Say to a Victim Reluctant to Leave a Violent Situation or to a Victim Who is Returning to a Violent Situation
“I am afraid for your safety”
“I am afraid for the safety of your children”
“It will only get worse”
“I am here for you when you are ready to leave”
“You deserve better than this”
- Domestic Violence Intervention Service, Inc.
Father, I pray that You will provide me with opportunities and words for people in my life that are in unhealthy relationships. I pray peace for their minds and hearts and strength to do the right thing. I pray for courage and wisdom and right thinking. I pray for divine protection and emotional and physical healing for all parties involved. For the children in bad family situations I ask that they be given peace in the tumultuous times and they will be shown the love of Christ by your people. Amen.
Cloth Diapers Revisited - One Year Later
Well I haven't posted about this in a while. But I thought I should do a follow-up to my original post now that I have some hands on experience with the subject. A year into cloth diapering and I can honestly say, I LOVE cloth diapers. Here are a few reasons why:
1. They are so cute! I don't have enough pictures of KB in her diapers (we usually keep her clothed), but I promise they are way cuter than disposables! They don't sag and look nasty.
2. We are saving money! I haven't tried to figure up the savings and we do still have to buy disposables for day care, but I know it is a lot less than what we would spend for disposables all the time. In fact since we have to buy the sensitive skin type disposables and we can't buy cheapo diapers due to KB getting a bad rash with those, disposables are tres expensive.
3. Very few rashes! The only rash she got was because of putting her in non-sensitive disposables and it took FORever to heal. We finally healed it up by using wool covers - breatheability is key!
4. Washing isn't that bad. The smell is no where near the horrible smell of disposables! The diaper sprayer on the toilet is handy for many things, but spraying out poopies is the number one job right now and it does it's job well.
5. Less leaks and blowouts. KB's clothes rarely ever get substance on them and the only time she ever peed through her diaper was when she was in a disposable.
6. I feel like I am doing a good thing for my child and the environment.
Some things I have learned:
1. Prefolds and covers are most economical and easiest to wash/dry and work GREAT for around the house. These are our go-to during the day.
2. It is nice to have all-in-one's or pockets to take out with us because they take up less room and only require one step to put on/take off.
3. It is great to have wet bags to put dirty diapers/stuff in.
4. Everyone else thinks cloth diapers are cute too!
5. Used diapers can be just as good as new, but there are places to buy new ones really cheap (http://www.alltogetherdiaper.com/ or http://www.luvyourbaby.com/ )
1. They are so cute! I don't have enough pictures of KB in her diapers (we usually keep her clothed), but I promise they are way cuter than disposables! They don't sag and look nasty.
2. We are saving money! I haven't tried to figure up the savings and we do still have to buy disposables for day care, but I know it is a lot less than what we would spend for disposables all the time. In fact since we have to buy the sensitive skin type disposables and we can't buy cheapo diapers due to KB getting a bad rash with those, disposables are tres expensive.
3. Very few rashes! The only rash she got was because of putting her in non-sensitive disposables and it took FORever to heal. We finally healed it up by using wool covers - breatheability is key!
4. Washing isn't that bad. The smell is no where near the horrible smell of disposables! The diaper sprayer on the toilet is handy for many things, but spraying out poopies is the number one job right now and it does it's job well.
5. Less leaks and blowouts. KB's clothes rarely ever get substance on them and the only time she ever peed through her diaper was when she was in a disposable.
6. I feel like I am doing a good thing for my child and the environment.
Some things I have learned:
1. Prefolds and covers are most economical and easiest to wash/dry and work GREAT for around the house. These are our go-to during the day.
2. It is nice to have all-in-one's or pockets to take out with us because they take up less room and only require one step to put on/take off.
3. It is great to have wet bags to put dirty diapers/stuff in.
4. Everyone else thinks cloth diapers are cute too!
5. Used diapers can be just as good as new, but there are places to buy new ones really cheap (http://www.alltogetherdiaper.com/ or http://www.luvyourbaby.com/ )
So cloth diapering has been a great adventure for us. One we will be continuing for child #1 and repeating when child #2 rolls around sometime in the indeterminate future. Feel free to post any questions as comments and I will respond. I placed an action shot below. Not the best, but you can see her cool pink camo diaper cover!
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