"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie."
This little "hook" lives up to it's name. It totally hooked me and I couldn't resist listening to the rest of the song. However, I must admit, I am not an Eminem fan. Not that I don't like him. I don't really listen to rap - ever. So he is just not in my music library. WARNING: The lyrics are listed as "Explicit" you're shocked, I'm sure.
The song is about domestic abuse. It tells the story of the cycle of abuse and you see both sides of this severly dysfunctional relationship. The abuser thinking about how he loves the other so much it hurts and how he never wants to hurt her, but he gets lost in the moment. Then there is the apology and the promises, which the abuser admits he knows are lies, and then the reconcilation and honeymoon. The victim's story is told as well. She is in pain, burning, but likes the way it hurts. She knows he is lying, but wants the lie to be true so she believes it and continues to stay with him.
The song is spooky. I get this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach when I listen to it. Perhaps it is the raw emotion and feelings that are expressed. No sugar coating at all. At the end he even says
"I apologize even though I know it’s lies
I’m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I’m a liar if she ever tries to leave again
I’mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire"
Followed by the "hook" with Rihanna burning it is a dark song. I don't want to debate the song. (Apparently it has caused some controversy in the world due to the graphic nature of the music video and the inclusion of Rihanna and her personal struggle with domestic violence - that is not what this blog entry is about.) However, I have been thinking about the song all day. Rihanna's voice has been singing in my head and it sounds so painful. My heart breaks for those who are involved in these terrible life situations. Surely you don't have to think long or hard to come up with the name of a person you know that has been a victim or an abuser. Domestic violence is rampant. If you don't know someone who has been a victim, then I would venture to say you either don't know very many people or you don't know very many people well. It is difficult to understand what is going on in the mind of a victim. In fact it can be downright impossible. If you need more information on how to deal with domestic violence in Oklahoma, I found a great website, here. There are so many more great sites just a google search away.
Oftentimes I struggle because I don't know how to help. When you know someone is in a bad relationship, you just want to drag them out! But you can't control other people. If you try to force them to make the decision you want, you would be just as bad as the abuser because you are trying to control their lives. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier to watch. So, for anyone who has ever had to watch someone you love stay in an abusive relationship - or return to an abusive relationship - and you know how much it hurts. Here are some suggestions for things that you can say:
5 Things to Say to a Victim Reluctant to Leave a Violent Situation or to a Victim Who is Returning to a Violent Situation
“I am afraid for your safety”
“I am afraid for the safety of your children”
“It will only get worse”
“I am here for you when you are ready to leave”
“You deserve better than this”
- Domestic Violence Intervention Service, Inc.
Father, I pray that You will provide me with opportunities and words for people in my life that are in unhealthy relationships. I pray peace for their minds and hearts and strength to do the right thing. I pray for courage and wisdom and right thinking. I pray for divine protection and emotional and physical healing for all parties involved. For the children in bad family situations I ask that they be given peace in the tumultuous times and they will be shown the love of Christ by your people. Amen.
1 comments:
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on not just the song but the very prevalent issue of domestic abuse.
It makes me sad, it makes me cry and it makes me angry when I hear these stories and yet, I am helpless really in the bigger scheme of things. So like you, I offer a prayer that they be kept safe and may their suffering end soon.
besos,
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