Every mother has a unique birth story. I have been listening to other women's birth stories for sometime - even before I became pregnant. Let me tell you though- once I became pregnant, anyone and everyone who had ever taken part in a birth began to tell me their personal birth story or stories. It wasn't just the mothers who began to open up. So many dads began to share their wive's birth stories with me it was unreal and occasionally uncomfortable. I can honestly say no two stories were ever alike, and true to form, my birth story is unique as well. I have decided to tell the story in parts because it is pretty long and I don't want to have to write one single entry. So here goes.
My story begins with an ideal. A document I created to help the nurses know what my desires and expectations were. It is a dumbed down - and shortened - version of a birth plan.
"Top 5 Wants When I Am In Labor"
1. Do not offer pain meds. I will ask if I need them (I wanted a natural birth with no pain meds. This was my way of keeping pain killers off my mind. No one was allowed to ask me if I wanted pain meds - not even family.)
2. Only intermittent monitoring of contractions and baby. I want to move around during labor.
3. I want the baby placed on my stomach as soon as she is born.
4. Do not cut the unbillical cord until it stops pulsing.
5. Do not give the baby a bath without asking me first.
Remember this is IDEAL and I am a flexible person so I understand things may not always go as planned. I can assure you, very little about my first birthing experience went "as planned." Everything was trucking along nice and normal throughout my entire pregnancy. I was feeling really good, really healthy and feeling quite fortunate to have it so good. When I went in for my 36 week appointment, I had gained 12lbs in 1 week! That was alarming to me. I had been gaining about 2-3 lbs in 2 weeks. My midwife was not worried, it was just some weight gain. I needed to be careful in the next week and keep the gain very minimal.
For my 37 week check up, I gained just 1 lb! I was so proud, but there was something else. My blood pressure was elevated and my feet and legs were swollen. The baby checked out fine, but just to be safe the midwife ordered labs and told me to take it easy. I had been nervous about preeclampsia because I knew a few women who had complications due to the disease. I felt great so I was certain the blood pressure was just a one-time thing, but I went for labs just in case.
7.12.2009
6.30.2009
A Whole New World
I haven't posted a blog since February, which seems like ages ago. So much has happened since then and I am ready to begin sharing from my new life. On May 4th, 2009 at 10:35pm our beautiful baby girl Koribella Naomi Cox was born and my life has not been the same since. Never have I loved a person so quickly, so much, or so completely. Many times I look at her and think, "Wow! I am really a mom! I really have a little girl. WE are parents." For 28 years I defined myself as a daughter, an aunt, a student, a wife, a woman of God, etc. and my life was my own. I admit I had the same feelings after Terry and I first married. I seem to have trouble with those changes that happen in an instant. The day of our wedding I arrived at the church a single woman - my own person. The instant I uttered the words, "I do", I became a part of a pair. I suddenly had another person to consider.
Likewise the instant the doctor plucked Koribella from my open abdomen and Koribella began to scream, I became a mother. As the midwife held her over the curtain so I could get my first glimpse at my little girl, the first of MANY tears trickled down my cheeks. I was instantly smitten. "She's so beautiful!" I exclaimed. I wanted so badly to hold her, but I had to wait until they finished with me. I watched as the nurse irritated her (I am sure there was some medical reason the nurse was making my baby cry so much) and she wailed. It was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. (Please note this would be the equivalent of the honeymoon as her cries no longer sound sweet to me but rather if continued long enough now will evoke my tears.) Terry spoke and she calmed down. She recognized his voice! I knew she would.
And so our journey began into a whole new world. The world of parenthood is a wonderful place to be. I have never been so challenged or so scared. One girl in our childbirth class said of the postpartum period, "Your prayer life will improve." That is probably the greatest truth that anyone spoke to me about child rearing. I find myself worrying about SIDS and Lord knows what else, but I know that my God is her protector. I often hold her in my arms and speak over her. "You are a daughter of God, a world-changer. A child with a great purpose. You will be healthy and prosper in all you do. God has a plan for your life." Maybe it seems weird, but I know in my heart it is true. She will lay in my arms and stare into my eyes while I speak. She's taking it all in. It's kind of what she does. She's pretty awsome!
Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; you'll sweep them right off your doorstep. Psalm 127:3-5 MSG
2.17.2009
Eternal Value
I don't normally write serious stuff. Not sure why, I am a serious person. I think serious thoughts, but I like to write about the light stuff. However, lately something has been weighing heavy on my heart and I realized today that it was a message God was trying to get across to me. Sometimes it takes me a while to really understand what God is showing me and now that I have what I believe is the full revelation I just want to share it.
It all started a couple weeks ago with the ministry service on Wednesday night and the baptisms during the service. Being baptised is not an action that makes you a follower of Christ, but rather is just a visual representation of the decision you have made. That night I was tired. I had worked all day and then rushed to church grabbing something nasty to eat on the way and stood for BGV practice on my already swollen feet only to find out we would be on the stage during the whole service. No rest for the weary, right? As we sang God's presence filled the room - as always - worship at Harvest is never short of amazing! Even still, sometimes we forget the value of the sacrifices that we make. We transitioned into the baptism service and I was able to sit down on the stage to watch Pastor David and Shane submerge my fellow believers under water and bring them back up. Representing the dying of the old man and the new life that had started. These baptisms represented eternal value! My heart ached as I thought of those I knew who had never made the decision to follow Christ and those who may not currently be in relationship with Christ. At the same time I rejoiced. I was not up on the stage singing because it was the easiest thing to do, but rather because of the eternal value of leading people into worship - ushering in the presence of God and encouraging others to do the same.
The next week we began the For This Cause campaign. I absolutely believe in tithing and giving to the church! For This Cause excites me! It only took one time to get me on board and expecting amazing things from God over the next 24 months for Terry and myself and the church as a whole. However, it has taken two weeks for these two events to coalesce in my mind and I get the whole picture of what God is doing in me. Giving money to the church is something people may do when they "have extra". They give after everything else has been taken care of. Why? What makes everything else so important? Harvest is changing lives in ways that have ETERNAL VALUE! People are making decisions to live for Christ. Those decisions will ensure them a place in Heaven - eternally! Furthermore, Harvest is committed to helping make life here on Earth better. Restoring marriages and families, caring for those who are neglected, bringing children out of the sex trade, and many, many more things. Harvest is changing LIVES for the BETTER! Not because our church is so wonderful - although it is - but because it is what Christ would have us do. We are showing the love of Christ to everyone. It is the love of Christ that changes people. The realization of God's grace that has been freely given will change your life forever!
It's a tough time economically. People spend a lot of time talking about economic stimulus packages, rising unemployment, home foreclosures and other stuff that is just downright depressing. The economy is not who supplies our needs. God is our source. But it is not just about money. What about your time? What do you spend your time on? Do those things have eternal value? It is not easy to spend all Sunday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and sometimes Saturday morning at church. Especially now, I get tired. Services like Sunday morning remind me of why we do it. Standing on stage I can see people worshipping and I see the evidence of lives being changed. It is actually an amazing privilege to sing or teach or even just to be a part of the service. My life is better because of being at Harvest, and I know the lives of my children will be positively impacted by Harvest. I will continue to support them, For This Cause I was put on the Earth!
It all started a couple weeks ago with the ministry service on Wednesday night and the baptisms during the service. Being baptised is not an action that makes you a follower of Christ, but rather is just a visual representation of the decision you have made. That night I was tired. I had worked all day and then rushed to church grabbing something nasty to eat on the way and stood for BGV practice on my already swollen feet only to find out we would be on the stage during the whole service. No rest for the weary, right? As we sang God's presence filled the room - as always - worship at Harvest is never short of amazing! Even still, sometimes we forget the value of the sacrifices that we make. We transitioned into the baptism service and I was able to sit down on the stage to watch Pastor David and Shane submerge my fellow believers under water and bring them back up. Representing the dying of the old man and the new life that had started. These baptisms represented eternal value! My heart ached as I thought of those I knew who had never made the decision to follow Christ and those who may not currently be in relationship with Christ. At the same time I rejoiced. I was not up on the stage singing because it was the easiest thing to do, but rather because of the eternal value of leading people into worship - ushering in the presence of God and encouraging others to do the same.
The next week we began the For This Cause campaign. I absolutely believe in tithing and giving to the church! For This Cause excites me! It only took one time to get me on board and expecting amazing things from God over the next 24 months for Terry and myself and the church as a whole. However, it has taken two weeks for these two events to coalesce in my mind and I get the whole picture of what God is doing in me. Giving money to the church is something people may do when they "have extra". They give after everything else has been taken care of. Why? What makes everything else so important? Harvest is changing lives in ways that have ETERNAL VALUE! People are making decisions to live for Christ. Those decisions will ensure them a place in Heaven - eternally! Furthermore, Harvest is committed to helping make life here on Earth better. Restoring marriages and families, caring for those who are neglected, bringing children out of the sex trade, and many, many more things. Harvest is changing LIVES for the BETTER! Not because our church is so wonderful - although it is - but because it is what Christ would have us do. We are showing the love of Christ to everyone. It is the love of Christ that changes people. The realization of God's grace that has been freely given will change your life forever!
It's a tough time economically. People spend a lot of time talking about economic stimulus packages, rising unemployment, home foreclosures and other stuff that is just downright depressing. The economy is not who supplies our needs. God is our source. But it is not just about money. What about your time? What do you spend your time on? Do those things have eternal value? It is not easy to spend all Sunday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and sometimes Saturday morning at church. Especially now, I get tired. Services like Sunday morning remind me of why we do it. Standing on stage I can see people worshipping and I see the evidence of lives being changed. It is actually an amazing privilege to sing or teach or even just to be a part of the service. My life is better because of being at Harvest, and I know the lives of my children will be positively impacted by Harvest. I will continue to support them, For This Cause I was put on the Earth!
2.16.2009
A Valentine's To Remember
Now that Terry and I are embarking on this new journey of parenthood together, there are many "last's" for us as we say goodbye to the way things have been for the first 7 years of our marriage. For example, "Last [insert holiday here] without the baby." As we discuss the passing of these last's, we imagine what the "first's" will be like. First Mother's and Father's days, Our Birthday (Terry declared this holiday as it is the day between mine and Terry's birthdays), Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and of course Bella's First Birthday! So this Valentine's you might imagine that we decided to go all out to commemorate the last Valentine's we would spend just the two of us without having to find a sitter. Well, not so much. We had planned a fun weekend. A Valentine's banquet at church (something we have never done together) on Friday night and attending a wonderfully romantic Valentine's wedding on Saturday afternoon. However, things don't always go as planned.
Terry had agreed to work for my dad for a few days which kind of bled over into our Valentine's banquet and wedding plans. Then my sister called and asked if the kids could come stay on Friday night - well why not? Terry was working and I would be by myself and we hadn't seen the kids in a while - of course, bring them up. I was to attend the wedding with Michelle and Lana, but due to illness that didn't work out either. So here we are babysitting the night away on Friday, waking early on Saturday to see him off to work, and then me attending the wedding alone.
Since I had some errands to run and needed the exercise, I spent Saturday morning dragging my niece and two nephews to every shopping destination I desired. Big Lots, Ross, Marshall's, Old Navy, Wal-Mart, and Daisy Exchange (if you can't tell I was bargain shopping) were all visited, along with a very unfortunate snack time at a McDonald's in Wal-Mart, between the hours of 9am and 12:30pm. Talk about a busy day! I met Jen at I-Hop and deposited the children and sped to Lana's to prepare for the wedding. It was during this time that I got to speak to Terry for a few minutes on the phone. That was nice and refreshing.
After a brief time at Lana's and a chocolate-chip pancake I headed to the wedding - alone - on Valentine's Day. Not the ideal situation. Fortunately, going to a wedding alone on Valentine's when you are happily married is really no different than going to a wedding alone on any other day. It's just a beautiful wedding that reminds you of how wonderful it is to be married to such a wonderful man. The only difference when you are alone is he is not beside you to hold your hand and enjoy the ceremony. Fortunately, there was plenty of entertainment to be had. Staci looked amazing and the wedding was beautiful! I laughed heartily with Terry's aunts and cousins as we chatted. It was incredibly enjoyable.
After seeing the happy couple off, it was time to head home. This mama was tired! A quick stop at Taco Bueno kept me from passing out from hunger on the way home where I promptly changed into something more comfortable (read big, baggy, and warm) and settled on the couch for some reading/napping with my feet elevated. Two hours later the phone rang and Terry was on his way home - Yay. Although I was groggy from my nap so I wasn't really able to be excited yet. We decided we should do something to celebrate and I suggested a hamburger joint, because "no one goes to Johnnie's for Valentine's". I could not have been more right! They were not packed at all. We didn't have to wait more than two minutes to order and we had our choice of booths. It was quiet and we were able to share about our day with one another without having to yell. It was really great. Terry reminded me of how he first met Jen (my sister) and the kids at that very restaurant almost 8 years before. At that time I don't think any of us imagined Terry and I would be celebrating our 7th Valentine's together at that same eatery. After a relaxing dinner we headed home and cuddled on the couch to watch the TV shows we had recorded that week, but had not had time to watch.
The perfect end to a perfect day. This was the type of evening that will be drastically changed by the additon of a child. Even as I sat there my stomach bounced with Bella's kicks reminding me that some things have already changed. It is a good thing, we like change.
Terry had agreed to work for my dad for a few days which kind of bled over into our Valentine's banquet and wedding plans. Then my sister called and asked if the kids could come stay on Friday night - well why not? Terry was working and I would be by myself and we hadn't seen the kids in a while - of course, bring them up. I was to attend the wedding with Michelle and Lana, but due to illness that didn't work out either. So here we are babysitting the night away on Friday, waking early on Saturday to see him off to work, and then me attending the wedding alone.
Since I had some errands to run and needed the exercise, I spent Saturday morning dragging my niece and two nephews to every shopping destination I desired. Big Lots, Ross, Marshall's, Old Navy, Wal-Mart, and Daisy Exchange (if you can't tell I was bargain shopping) were all visited, along with a very unfortunate snack time at a McDonald's in Wal-Mart, between the hours of 9am and 12:30pm. Talk about a busy day! I met Jen at I-Hop and deposited the children and sped to Lana's to prepare for the wedding. It was during this time that I got to speak to Terry for a few minutes on the phone. That was nice and refreshing.
After a brief time at Lana's and a chocolate-chip pancake I headed to the wedding - alone - on Valentine's Day. Not the ideal situation. Fortunately, going to a wedding alone on Valentine's when you are happily married is really no different than going to a wedding alone on any other day. It's just a beautiful wedding that reminds you of how wonderful it is to be married to such a wonderful man. The only difference when you are alone is he is not beside you to hold your hand and enjoy the ceremony. Fortunately, there was plenty of entertainment to be had. Staci looked amazing and the wedding was beautiful! I laughed heartily with Terry's aunts and cousins as we chatted. It was incredibly enjoyable.
After seeing the happy couple off, it was time to head home. This mama was tired! A quick stop at Taco Bueno kept me from passing out from hunger on the way home where I promptly changed into something more comfortable (read big, baggy, and warm) and settled on the couch for some reading/napping with my feet elevated. Two hours later the phone rang and Terry was on his way home - Yay. Although I was groggy from my nap so I wasn't really able to be excited yet. We decided we should do something to celebrate and I suggested a hamburger joint, because "no one goes to Johnnie's for Valentine's". I could not have been more right! They were not packed at all. We didn't have to wait more than two minutes to order and we had our choice of booths. It was quiet and we were able to share about our day with one another without having to yell. It was really great. Terry reminded me of how he first met Jen (my sister) and the kids at that very restaurant almost 8 years before. At that time I don't think any of us imagined Terry and I would be celebrating our 7th Valentine's together at that same eatery. After a relaxing dinner we headed home and cuddled on the couch to watch the TV shows we had recorded that week, but had not had time to watch.
The perfect end to a perfect day. This was the type of evening that will be drastically changed by the additon of a child. Even as I sat there my stomach bounced with Bella's kicks reminding me that some things have already changed. It is a good thing, we like change.
2.12.2009
Oh The Pain!
I remember growing up my mom would display her bruised calf the morning after a particularly brutal attack. This brusing was not the result of domestic abuse - although if my dad were a bruiser he probably would have had a bruise on his arm too! I am talking about the evil Charley Horse (dun dun dUUUUUn!!!!). If you are unfamiliar with the feeling, let me describe it to you as I am quite familiar with them.
Imagine - you are sound asleep dreaming of whatever it is that makes you happy. Suddenly you feel an intense gripping sensation in one calf and you are wide awake screaming and writhing in pain. This is when your survival skills kick in. You try to stretch your leg out but it hurts so it is out of bed with you and to your feet. Within seconds of achieving the stretch the muscle relaxes and you are left with a dull ache that - depending on the severity of the cramp - could last for a day or two.
Just last Monday in child birth class our instructor talked about these leg cramps and how to deal with them. Although I am an old pro at taming the Horse called Charley, being pregnant changes things a bit. For one thing, "hopping out of bed" really isn't an option. Getting out of bed now is something akin to saving a beached whale (seriously I can joke about it but if you comment on it, I am blocking you from my blog). It does not happen quickly. So the instructor tells us what to do (Terry and myself). Even pre-pregnancy cramps I would call for Terry's aid in rubbing the contracting muscle as I twisted in pain, but now the instructor gave us two part instructions. Push the toes toward the knee while simultaneously pulling the heel away from the body achieving a nice deep stretch for the calf without the need for a wall to lean into. Seems simple - right?
So this is how it plays out. In the wee hours of the morning, I awake screaming and writhing in pain trying desperately to stretch my calf just as we had been instructed. As someone who can barely tie her shoes when fully awake due to an ever growing mid-section, this is a challenge. I call in reinforcements. Despite the fact he is lying right next to me, I begin to yell for Terry to help me. "CRAMP! CRAMP! Oh my God CRAMP!" That explains everything - right?
NOTE: Terry is a heavy sleeper. He is not easy to wake and, since he is not feeling the pain I am, is still a little groggy having only the slightest clue why I am screaming at him.
I begin to yell orders, "Push my toes and pull on my heel!" He clumsily pushes my toes in such a way that my ankle is twisting painfully to the side and the cramp continues to get tighter in my calf. I continue to scream, "What are you doing? Push straight toward my knee! PULL on my HEEL!" He continues to fumble with my foot and by this time I am ready to just cut my leg off so the pain will stop. "What is wrong with you?" Please understand I am wide awake and assume he is as well - why wouldn't he be? Last ditch effort on my part - "Give me your foot I will show you what to do!" Finally he gets it, and the calf is stretched and the cramp stops immediately. IMMEDIATELY! LIKE MAGIC I MEAN! I love you child birth educator - and you too Terry.
I call all clear that the cramp is over and seconds later we are both snoozing again. In the morning we discuss what transpired just a few hours earlier and how my calf is still sore. Terry tells me he was trying so hard to focus and wake up which is the first time I realized why he was so clumsy. Let's just hope I don't go into some kind of dramatic full-on labor in the middle of the night or it might be a scene straight out of an I LOVE LUCY episode with me running around screaming and Terry without a clue why.
Imagine - you are sound asleep dreaming of whatever it is that makes you happy. Suddenly you feel an intense gripping sensation in one calf and you are wide awake screaming and writhing in pain. This is when your survival skills kick in. You try to stretch your leg out but it hurts so it is out of bed with you and to your feet. Within seconds of achieving the stretch the muscle relaxes and you are left with a dull ache that - depending on the severity of the cramp - could last for a day or two.
Just last Monday in child birth class our instructor talked about these leg cramps and how to deal with them. Although I am an old pro at taming the Horse called Charley, being pregnant changes things a bit. For one thing, "hopping out of bed" really isn't an option. Getting out of bed now is something akin to saving a beached whale (seriously I can joke about it but if you comment on it, I am blocking you from my blog). It does not happen quickly. So the instructor tells us what to do (Terry and myself). Even pre-pregnancy cramps I would call for Terry's aid in rubbing the contracting muscle as I twisted in pain, but now the instructor gave us two part instructions. Push the toes toward the knee while simultaneously pulling the heel away from the body achieving a nice deep stretch for the calf without the need for a wall to lean into. Seems simple - right?
So this is how it plays out. In the wee hours of the morning, I awake screaming and writhing in pain trying desperately to stretch my calf just as we had been instructed. As someone who can barely tie her shoes when fully awake due to an ever growing mid-section, this is a challenge. I call in reinforcements. Despite the fact he is lying right next to me, I begin to yell for Terry to help me. "CRAMP! CRAMP! Oh my God CRAMP!" That explains everything - right?
NOTE: Terry is a heavy sleeper. He is not easy to wake and, since he is not feeling the pain I am, is still a little groggy having only the slightest clue why I am screaming at him.
I begin to yell orders, "Push my toes and pull on my heel!" He clumsily pushes my toes in such a way that my ankle is twisting painfully to the side and the cramp continues to get tighter in my calf. I continue to scream, "What are you doing? Push straight toward my knee! PULL on my HEEL!" He continues to fumble with my foot and by this time I am ready to just cut my leg off so the pain will stop. "What is wrong with you?" Please understand I am wide awake and assume he is as well - why wouldn't he be? Last ditch effort on my part - "Give me your foot I will show you what to do!" Finally he gets it, and the calf is stretched and the cramp stops immediately. IMMEDIATELY! LIKE MAGIC I MEAN! I love you child birth educator - and you too Terry.
I call all clear that the cramp is over and seconds later we are both snoozing again. In the morning we discuss what transpired just a few hours earlier and how my calf is still sore. Terry tells me he was trying so hard to focus and wake up which is the first time I realized why he was so clumsy. Let's just hope I don't go into some kind of dramatic full-on labor in the middle of the night or it might be a scene straight out of an I LOVE LUCY episode with me running around screaming and Terry without a clue why.
2.11.2009
At Ease - Now I Can Breathe
In my little pregnant world - this has been a very good week. I have been somewhat nervous for the past four weeks because we decided to switch providers in the 24th week. The timing wasn't as nerve-wracking as the fact that we had yet to meet the provider we were switching to, but it had to be done. After my last prenatal visit I was upset. I did not feel good about the direction things were headed and about my eventual delivery experience. I won't go into all the factors leading up to the decision to change just suffice it to say, I was not happy. This is one of those times in life when it is important to be VERY happy with your doctor.
So I did a little Internet searching and found a prospective provider. Their website was fantastically informative and immediately put me at ease. My delivery goals would be supported and yet I would have all the medical support needed right in the same building. It seemed a match made in heaven. I wanted to speak with the provider before deciding, but I didn't really have the time since I was already 24 weeks. I consulted with Terry and he was supportive either way - of course - so I took a leap of faith and prayed this would be the answer I was hoping for.
Finally the first appointment came today and I could not imagine how pleased I would be with the choice. The staff was helpful, the nurse was engaging and friendly and the midwife made me feel at ease to ask questions even though I know she is a very busy woman. I never felt rushed in the process and that is important to me. All of my questions were answered and the experience had a completely different feel than my previous provider. Between the new midwife and the child birth classes - which thus far are amazing - I feel like we are on our way to the most fulfilling birth experience ever. One which will bring Terry and I even closer together and culminate with the birth most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen.
I will not be announcing our place of birth or care to the general public, but if you are interested in knowing you can call, send an email, or send a private message and I will let you know. For family members and interested friends I will email a map and other instructions before the blessed event so you will know exactly where to park.
So I did a little Internet searching and found a prospective provider. Their website was fantastically informative and immediately put me at ease. My delivery goals would be supported and yet I would have all the medical support needed right in the same building. It seemed a match made in heaven. I wanted to speak with the provider before deciding, but I didn't really have the time since I was already 24 weeks. I consulted with Terry and he was supportive either way - of course - so I took a leap of faith and prayed this would be the answer I was hoping for.
Finally the first appointment came today and I could not imagine how pleased I would be with the choice. The staff was helpful, the nurse was engaging and friendly and the midwife made me feel at ease to ask questions even though I know she is a very busy woman. I never felt rushed in the process and that is important to me. All of my questions were answered and the experience had a completely different feel than my previous provider. Between the new midwife and the child birth classes - which thus far are amazing - I feel like we are on our way to the most fulfilling birth experience ever. One which will bring Terry and I even closer together and culminate with the birth most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen.
I will not be announcing our place of birth or care to the general public, but if you are interested in knowing you can call, send an email, or send a private message and I will let you know. For family members and interested friends I will email a map and other instructions before the blessed event so you will know exactly where to park.
2.10.2009
My Dirty Little Secret
I have a confession to make. I have a secret I have been keeping for a few years. Some of you are painfully aware of this secret. In fact, if you have known me longer than 10 years or have lived with me then you will be saying - how could THAT be a secret?? But for those of you who are just recently getting to know me, I feel I owe it to you to let you know what you are getting into.
So here goes - I am sarcastic. Yeah I know what you are thinking - THAT is your secret? However, even as it is out in the open you really don't understand the meaning of the phrase and how it could possibly change anything. I realized today that so many people don't know my true sarcastic nature that others have come to adore (I love you too Vanessa) and some probably hate me for it. It is a wonderful defense mechanism I developed and perfected in High School. Wonderful as it may be - I have since discovered that sarcasm is not very nice - albeit funny at times. In fact after leaving my hometown I found the people to be generally much more open minded and less deserving of my biting comments. Not to mention I could chose who to be around with class choice and not having to share the same small campus. I made a conscious decision to be less sarcastic and sardonic. Although, admittedly, from time to time I slip into my old ways - particularly when I am ranting. Thus the reason for this confession session.
Now that I will be blogging regularly about whatever is on my mind and anyone who wants can read, I feel it is my responsibility to reveal this part of my nature as my writing seems to be less controlled than my conversations. I think my sardonic sense of humor is delightfully funny - others probably find it heniously offensive. Many will be surprised that often when I rant to my most beloved of confidants they will laugh at my ranting as will I. Ranting should make one feel better - right? Although I am annoyed, it is still funny. I can lighten my load by making light of other people/situations. In my mind I think sarcastically - it entertains me. Rarely do I directly subject an individual person to my sarcasm these days. Even in my most heated of (ahem) conversations with Terry I make every effort to avoid sarcasm because it is not very effective in resolving conflict.
Please take this as a warning. If you read what I write and you find it to be a little personal or biting just remember, it is probably not about you. It might be - but probably not. Just safer to assume I am talking about someone else and even more likely a type of person rather than anyone in particular. Most of my ranting will be concerning situations and mind sets. If it rings a little too true, then perhaps you have a guilty conscience - hmm? (By the way - that was a joke)
So here goes - I am sarcastic. Yeah I know what you are thinking - THAT is your secret? However, even as it is out in the open you really don't understand the meaning of the phrase and how it could possibly change anything. I realized today that so many people don't know my true sarcastic nature that others have come to adore (I love you too Vanessa) and some probably hate me for it. It is a wonderful defense mechanism I developed and perfected in High School. Wonderful as it may be - I have since discovered that sarcasm is not very nice - albeit funny at times. In fact after leaving my hometown I found the people to be generally much more open minded and less deserving of my biting comments. Not to mention I could chose who to be around with class choice and not having to share the same small campus. I made a conscious decision to be less sarcastic and sardonic. Although, admittedly, from time to time I slip into my old ways - particularly when I am ranting. Thus the reason for this confession session.
Now that I will be blogging regularly about whatever is on my mind and anyone who wants can read, I feel it is my responsibility to reveal this part of my nature as my writing seems to be less controlled than my conversations. I think my sardonic sense of humor is delightfully funny - others probably find it heniously offensive. Many will be surprised that often when I rant to my most beloved of confidants they will laugh at my ranting as will I. Ranting should make one feel better - right? Although I am annoyed, it is still funny. I can lighten my load by making light of other people/situations. In my mind I think sarcastically - it entertains me. Rarely do I directly subject an individual person to my sarcasm these days. Even in my most heated of (ahem) conversations with Terry I make every effort to avoid sarcasm because it is not very effective in resolving conflict.
Please take this as a warning. If you read what I write and you find it to be a little personal or biting just remember, it is probably not about you. It might be - but probably not. Just safer to assume I am talking about someone else and even more likely a type of person rather than anyone in particular. Most of my ranting will be concerning situations and mind sets. If it rings a little too true, then perhaps you have a guilty conscience - hmm? (By the way - that was a joke)
2.09.2009
Cloth Diapering - The Journey Begins
One thing I have learned while being pregnant is that people are suddenly interested in the most personal of decisions you make/will make concerning your pregnancy and subsequent child-rearing in ways it is inappropriate to be interested in other private matters. For instance, many women would not walk up to a new bride and ask if she intends to wear thongs or bikinis once she is married and then proceed to encourage/discourage her about her decision. Furthermore, would any woman dare to tell another how her future husband will respond to her choice in undergarments? I should hope not! However, once you announce your happy news, there is no shortage of people asking if you will be bottle or breast feeding, natural birthing or feeling no pain (more on that to come), working or staying at home with the baby, and of course using cloth or disposable diapers for your child. These questions are then followed by a conversation that usually involves a fair amount of this is how it will be and judging coming from the other party and of course how your baby daddy will respond to the decision that, I can only guess, they think he is completely unaware of.
Today I will discuss one subject in particular, the cloth versus disposable conversation is one that I have been avoiding since the time I knew I was pregnant due to some very negative responses I received when telling people of my thoughts. Now I will share the whole story in efforts to continue to avoid having the conversation repeatedly for the next three months. Terry and I have been considering cloth diapering our children for about 4 years now. (For the record, Terry and I were only "trying" to get pregnant for one month so this is to let you know the decision was not made lightly or on a whim.) When we knew a child was on the horizon, we made the decision final - we will do everything within our power to diaper our new baby with cloth diapers. For those of you who are environmentally conscious and are commending us at this moment, I must admit - this decision was not about the environment. Sure the environmental factors are compelling - but the cost factor is overwhelming! Diapers are not cheap! In fact almost every cloth diaper conversation I have had thus far begins with a well-meaning person telling me how it is going to cost so much to diaper that little blessing once she enters the world and begins to do the doo (so to speak). I then tell them, "Actually, we are going to try to use cloth diapers." This is where I get the fun response. Sometimes they are polite - but it is unlikely.
At this point I don't believe people realize how offensive their comments can be. I realize I am a bit more emotional and fragile in my pregnant state, and others should realize that too. The nicest of people might say, "It is a noble effort, but I don't think you realize how much work it is." Most people will physically recoil at the thought and lash out as if I have offended them for using disposable diapers. Let me make one thing very clear right now, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU USED DISPOSABLE DIAPERS ON YOUR CHILD. I don't even care if you use disposable diapers on your NEXT child. I will not try to convince you that cloth is better than disposables for YOU. It might surprise you to know, we weren't even thinking of you or your child when we made this decision. So let me ask you - Why are you taking this personally?? Why do you care how much laundry Terry and I have to do? Why do you care so deeply about such a personal decision in which you have NO SAY and doesn't affect you at all?! It just blows my mind!
In an effort to keep my blood pressure at normal levels, I will move on to my next point. I may be a naive first time mother, but I am smart enough to know that well-meaning and well-informed are not synonyms. If you do not know what an "all-in-one" or "fitted" diaper is, then you should not be telling me how cloth diapering will be. If you have not been researching cloth diapers for the past four years, and don't know what dsq stands for or have never heard of a snappi then you are behind the times my friend and your perception of cloth diapering is far from reality. For some ideas about what a modern day cloth diaper looks like check this out:
Some places of interest to get more information:
http://www.cottonbabies.com
http://www.softclothbunz.com/
And many others if you do a google search for cloth diapers.
A local seller:
http://babysewcute.synthasite.com/index.php
So please educate yourself on the subject and then we can talk diapers if you so choose. I won't bring it up again. As I mentioned before, this is primarily a budget decision. If someone feels so strongly about Terry and I using disposables, you are more than welcome to purchase all the diapers you want and deliver them to our house. We will probably use them. Thank you to anyone who has bought or will buy us diapers - again we will probably use them.
In closing, this is a decision Terry and I have made together considering our own sensibilities and needs as a family. Although we appreciate your concern for our well being and that of our child, I assure you using cloth diapers does not constitute child abuse. It is highly unlikely you will ever change one of our child's diapers and I know you will never wash one so it really won't bother you later - I promise! I would also like to thank those people who have been supportive of our decision. My parents were the first we told and they responded quite favorably. I also have certain friends, Eden, Heather, and Jamie who have been incredibly supportive as well. Those are just a few of the early supporters there are others I haven't mentioned - thanks to you as well. I am certain we will have no shortage of funny cloth diaper stories to tell when Bella arrives and this great adventure begins, but we can hope we won't be telling horror stories about how I had to get a second job to pay for all the diapers.
Today I will discuss one subject in particular, the cloth versus disposable conversation is one that I have been avoiding since the time I knew I was pregnant due to some very negative responses I received when telling people of my thoughts. Now I will share the whole story in efforts to continue to avoid having the conversation repeatedly for the next three months. Terry and I have been considering cloth diapering our children for about 4 years now. (For the record, Terry and I were only "trying" to get pregnant for one month so this is to let you know the decision was not made lightly or on a whim.) When we knew a child was on the horizon, we made the decision final - we will do everything within our power to diaper our new baby with cloth diapers. For those of you who are environmentally conscious and are commending us at this moment, I must admit - this decision was not about the environment. Sure the environmental factors are compelling - but the cost factor is overwhelming! Diapers are not cheap! In fact almost every cloth diaper conversation I have had thus far begins with a well-meaning person telling me how it is going to cost so much to diaper that little blessing once she enters the world and begins to do the doo (so to speak). I then tell them, "Actually, we are going to try to use cloth diapers." This is where I get the fun response. Sometimes they are polite - but it is unlikely.
At this point I don't believe people realize how offensive their comments can be. I realize I am a bit more emotional and fragile in my pregnant state, and others should realize that too. The nicest of people might say, "It is a noble effort, but I don't think you realize how much work it is." Most people will physically recoil at the thought and lash out as if I have offended them for using disposable diapers. Let me make one thing very clear right now, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU USED DISPOSABLE DIAPERS ON YOUR CHILD. I don't even care if you use disposable diapers on your NEXT child. I will not try to convince you that cloth is better than disposables for YOU. It might surprise you to know, we weren't even thinking of you or your child when we made this decision. So let me ask you - Why are you taking this personally?? Why do you care how much laundry Terry and I have to do? Why do you care so deeply about such a personal decision in which you have NO SAY and doesn't affect you at all?! It just blows my mind!
In an effort to keep my blood pressure at normal levels, I will move on to my next point. I may be a naive first time mother, but I am smart enough to know that well-meaning and well-informed are not synonyms. If you do not know what an "all-in-one" or "fitted" diaper is, then you should not be telling me how cloth diapering will be. If you have not been researching cloth diapers for the past four years, and don't know what dsq stands for or have never heard of a snappi then you are behind the times my friend and your perception of cloth diapering is far from reality. For some ideas about what a modern day cloth diaper looks like check this out:
Some places of interest to get more information:
http://www.cottonbabies.com
http://www.softclothbunz.com/
And many others if you do a google search for cloth diapers.
A local seller:
http://babysewcute.synthasite.com/index.php
So please educate yourself on the subject and then we can talk diapers if you so choose. I won't bring it up again. As I mentioned before, this is primarily a budget decision. If someone feels so strongly about Terry and I using disposables, you are more than welcome to purchase all the diapers you want and deliver them to our house. We will probably use them. Thank you to anyone who has bought or will buy us diapers - again we will probably use them.
In closing, this is a decision Terry and I have made together considering our own sensibilities and needs as a family. Although we appreciate your concern for our well being and that of our child, I assure you using cloth diapers does not constitute child abuse. It is highly unlikely you will ever change one of our child's diapers and I know you will never wash one so it really won't bother you later - I promise! I would also like to thank those people who have been supportive of our decision. My parents were the first we told and they responded quite favorably. I also have certain friends, Eden, Heather, and Jamie who have been incredibly supportive as well. Those are just a few of the early supporters there are others I haven't mentioned - thanks to you as well. I am certain we will have no shortage of funny cloth diaper stories to tell when Bella arrives and this great adventure begins, but we can hope we won't be telling horror stories about how I had to get a second job to pay for all the diapers.
1.31.2009
25 Random things About Me
1. I have been skydiving 3 times.
2. I really love snow. To the point that I really want to live somewhere else where it snows more.
3. I don't like raw onions - except on my gyros - but I really like onion rings and sauteed onions in fajitas and such. So when I go to Burger King I order my buger no onion and onion rings instead of fries.
4. My feet are shaped like Barbie doll feet. I have a very high arch and my toes naturally point up. I am proof that Barbie feet are NOT normal because finding shoes to fit my high arch, wide toe box, and abnormally high instep is nearly impossible!
5. On that note, I love shoes! But I usually end up buying a pair and wearing them once, and they hurt my feet so I rarely wear them. When I find comfy shoes I wear them out.
6. I am fiercely independent and a free thinking knowledge seeker. If it is happening to me, I want to know about it myself. I don't need you to tell me.
7. I expect a LOT from other people - probably too much.
8. I expect even more from myself.
9. I never thought I would find a guy good enough to marry and I was OK with that. Fortunately, God had higher expectations than even I did. I also never expected to marry before the age of 30. I am 27 now and have been married for 7 years to the most amazing man I know.
10. I have discovered the only differences between me and any doctor is a medical degree, whatever experience they have, and my ability to know that I don't know everything but can find it on the Internet. Perhaps someday I will just go get the degree.
11. I still sometimes doubt that I am REALLY pregnant and there is in fact a little human inside me floating around. Crazy I know, but this whole pregnancy thing is bizarre!
12. I really hate talking on the phone. I only call people if I have something specific to talk to them about. I am awkward on the phone and do not know what to say. I attribute this to never developing social phone skills since we were only allowed to talk to our friends once per night for 15 minutes at a time while sitting in the living room where my dad was watching TV blaring at 100 decibels.
13. I am the youngest of three girls. I have no brothers, but always wanted one.
14. I have MANY interests! I love to cook and experiment with recipes, bake and decorate cakes and desserts, photography, crafty stuff, fishing, racquetball, tennis, outdoor activities, etc.
15. My dream job would be to travel the world taking pictures and selling them to magazines like National Geographic.
16. If I weren't married, I might be an FBI or CIA agent or foreign service officer or something like that.
17. I am still considering a doctorate degree, but haven't selected an area of study. I think in 10 years or so I may go back to school.
18. I really love my church! Church of the Harvest rocks!
19. Terry likes to watch movies more than I do. It drives him crazy that I want the light on so I can read during the movie. I like to multitask.
20. I don't really care for cats, but we have three outdoor cats that I like a lot. they are cool cats and eat lots of creepy crawly stuff. They are also super friendly and come when I whistle.
21. We decided when my cousin Cory passed away last May that we wanted to name our daughter after him. Not that we were pregnant or were even trying at the time, but we both knew we were going to have a daughter and that is how we wanted to honor such a great man. I made up the name Koribella before I was pregnant. Before he died, her name was going to be Rosalynn just because we liked it.
22. I am kind of a wanna be environmentalist, I buy reusable grocery sacks and never use them again for groceries. I will get there.
23. My sister Jennifer once whacked me in the head with a softball bat and I had to get stitches in my eyebrow. I still have the scar.
24. We used to live in a condo and we remodeled it and painted and decorated it so pretty. Then we sold it and bought a fixer upper house. I miss my finished condo sometimes, but I like the quiet and privacy of our 5 acres.
25. FINALLY! I love you for reading all of this!
2. I really love snow. To the point that I really want to live somewhere else where it snows more.
3. I don't like raw onions - except on my gyros - but I really like onion rings and sauteed onions in fajitas and such. So when I go to Burger King I order my buger no onion and onion rings instead of fries.
4. My feet are shaped like Barbie doll feet. I have a very high arch and my toes naturally point up. I am proof that Barbie feet are NOT normal because finding shoes to fit my high arch, wide toe box, and abnormally high instep is nearly impossible!
5. On that note, I love shoes! But I usually end up buying a pair and wearing them once, and they hurt my feet so I rarely wear them. When I find comfy shoes I wear them out.
6. I am fiercely independent and a free thinking knowledge seeker. If it is happening to me, I want to know about it myself. I don't need you to tell me.
7. I expect a LOT from other people - probably too much.
8. I expect even more from myself.
9. I never thought I would find a guy good enough to marry and I was OK with that. Fortunately, God had higher expectations than even I did. I also never expected to marry before the age of 30. I am 27 now and have been married for 7 years to the most amazing man I know.
10. I have discovered the only differences between me and any doctor is a medical degree, whatever experience they have, and my ability to know that I don't know everything but can find it on the Internet. Perhaps someday I will just go get the degree.
11. I still sometimes doubt that I am REALLY pregnant and there is in fact a little human inside me floating around. Crazy I know, but this whole pregnancy thing is bizarre!
12. I really hate talking on the phone. I only call people if I have something specific to talk to them about. I am awkward on the phone and do not know what to say. I attribute this to never developing social phone skills since we were only allowed to talk to our friends once per night for 15 minutes at a time while sitting in the living room where my dad was watching TV blaring at 100 decibels.
13. I am the youngest of three girls. I have no brothers, but always wanted one.
14. I have MANY interests! I love to cook and experiment with recipes, bake and decorate cakes and desserts, photography, crafty stuff, fishing, racquetball, tennis, outdoor activities, etc.
15. My dream job would be to travel the world taking pictures and selling them to magazines like National Geographic.
16. If I weren't married, I might be an FBI or CIA agent or foreign service officer or something like that.
17. I am still considering a doctorate degree, but haven't selected an area of study. I think in 10 years or so I may go back to school.
18. I really love my church! Church of the Harvest rocks!
19. Terry likes to watch movies more than I do. It drives him crazy that I want the light on so I can read during the movie. I like to multitask.
20. I don't really care for cats, but we have three outdoor cats that I like a lot. they are cool cats and eat lots of creepy crawly stuff. They are also super friendly and come when I whistle.
21. We decided when my cousin Cory passed away last May that we wanted to name our daughter after him. Not that we were pregnant or were even trying at the time, but we both knew we were going to have a daughter and that is how we wanted to honor such a great man. I made up the name Koribella before I was pregnant. Before he died, her name was going to be Rosalynn just because we liked it.
22. I am kind of a wanna be environmentalist, I buy reusable grocery sacks and never use them again for groceries. I will get there.
23. My sister Jennifer once whacked me in the head with a softball bat and I had to get stitches in my eyebrow. I still have the scar.
24. We used to live in a condo and we remodeled it and painted and decorated it so pretty. Then we sold it and bought a fixer upper house. I miss my finished condo sometimes, but I like the quiet and privacy of our 5 acres.
25. FINALLY! I love you for reading all of this!
1.09.2009
First Post
I have established a blog on blogspot. Not sure why. Kind of on a whim I suppose. Hopefully there will be much more to say and I can be of some entertainment for you. As the title of the blog implies you will find nothing but a little bit of anything and everything on this blog. I have many interests not to be limited to God, family, cooking, photography, nature, sewing, sports (to some degree), and probably just about anything else. Come back often, you just never know what you might find.
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